k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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