Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
