we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
