and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I have already put on my inside pants.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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