i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
