Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
