And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
