take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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