I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
