I cannot find my penis.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
