sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
