Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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