i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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