those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She told me I should be a condom model.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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