He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
