God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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