Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
