dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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