we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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