Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I think your dad took our porno
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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