im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
