I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
