Will you blow on my dice?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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