never play flip cup with pint glasses
Everything about him screamed your future.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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