Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I have tasted many bathrooms
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
