WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I will be naked everywhere
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
