He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
