my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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