Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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