Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
