Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
