What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
