i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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