I think I won the penis lottery.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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