If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
