I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
