I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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