After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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