Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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