Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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