I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
