Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
