she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
