Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
