Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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