I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Someone stole a lamp last night.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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