Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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