don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Someone shattered a urinal.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
