you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
