well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
