Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
